We had Sex last night? I Drank too Much

I’m going to start this post off by making another 7th grade reference. Close your eyes for about 5 seconds and remember going to 7th grade dances. Got the picture in your head? Roll up with a group, check out the scene, and feel the place out. Guys hanging out in their groups, girls in theirs. Then you have the one or two from each group making negotiations in regards to who is going to be setup with who to dance for the slow songs. About an hour in, once everyone who wants to be setup is setup, slow dancing begins! Girls put their hands around the guy’s shoulders and guys set their hands around the girl’s hips (the hands drop after a couple songs). Maybe a little lip-locking and number exchanging happened… that’s how it went down at the beginning of the millennium.

Onto high school. Hello alcohol. Teachers and faculty knew 7 out of 10 people showing up to high school dances were completely chocolate schwasted, and as long as you didn’t throw up in the bathroom/gym floor or make a fool of yourself, there was nothing they could do to prove it. It was during these pivotal years that daddy’s little girl turned into daddy’s big problem. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-lcohol. In high school, the tables turned: slow dancing out, grinding in (daps to Pretty Ricky). The role of negotiator was replaced by that cheap vodka your mailman’s cousin’s neighbor hooked you up with for twice the actual cost.

I’m going to skip college dances because they are in essence the same animal as high school dances.

Onto 21+ nightlife. Close your eyes for about 5 seconds and remember the last time you went to a club/bar that you’d never been before. Got the picture in your head? Roll up with a group, check out the scene, and feel the place out. Guys hanging out in their groups, girls in theirs. Sound familiar? But unlike the 7th grade, there is alcohol, and unlike high school, you can get progressively liquored up as the night continues. If I had a 10 spot for every time I’ve heard, “if I had a couple more drinks…” In the end, the couple more drinks happen and then guys act like they own the place, and girls begin shaking what their mammas gave them. By 12:30, everyone has purchased enough alcohol from the bar to receive a complementary pair of beer goggles. It’s on! My question is: would clubs/bars be like 7th grade dances if only punch was served?
Leave comments people.

                  - M. Night Thunder (Midnight Thunder, formerly known as B)