Matt pitches Perfect Game at Hurricane's, Receives Stealth's Approval

I'm not gonna go into detail... I'll let you interpret the headline for yourself.
           - M. Night Thunder

Friday Pump Up Jam Taking You Into The Weekend

Hurricane Earl can eat shit, nothing comes in between me and my nightlife...NOTHING!

-Matt

Thirsty Thursday Showdown: Strip Teasing Got Girls Pleasing

Fact: Stripping is every girls dream. To a chick it's sounds so fun! They get to dance all day, where high heels, play dress up, and the best part is they get to wear tons of glitter. Helllloo dream job!

But seriously being a stripper is a really tough job. Why do you think they get paid so well? Taking their clothes off, shoving dollar bills down their g-string, smelling like a million disgruntled fathers, strippers just don't get enough credit.

So here is to this weeks showdown hoe down!  In one corner we have the blonde bombshell practicing her special move the "head drop", nothing turns a man on more than seeing a blonde and her hallow head hit the floor 4 feet from the ground, and that sexy moan after the move?  Well that will get you every time. Then we have the opponent, "yelande el gato los pantalones" with the immigrant face plant. Ohh papai! You can tell at first she wasn't going to pull out her go to move until she got the smack to the booty..got her adrenaline flowing.

Who you got?



VS.



-Matt

Taking Not Giving a Fuck to the Next Level

Have you ever not given a fuck? Do you often not give a fuck? Well let me tell you something, you should start not giving a flying fuck when you’re out with your bffls or besties, or whatever gay name you call your group of friends. Those who don’t give a fuck are so much cooler to hang out with than regular people who give way too much of a fuck, always worrying about doing or saying something wrong. These people live to achieve normal. There is no way they can go above normal since normal is their highest point. People who don’t give a fuck have a base point of normal; they can only go higher, perhaps to extraordinary or spectacular… in certain cases STEALTHMATIC. I know what you all are thinking, “jump off Super Stealth’s dick already.” But the fact of the matter is, Stealth has enough dick to go around (no homo). This dude could not give less of a fuck if you tried to squeeze it out of his body with the jaws of life. One night Stealth was in the process of unhooking some girl’s bra as she was being chatted up by another guy. The guy tried to start shit with Stealth, but Stealth wasn’t having it and gave the girl to the guy… he had bigger fish to fry that night. Someone who gives a fuck would never even fathom doing this, never mind actually attempt it. This is why hanging out with Stealth is so much fun. He’s not afraid to push the social boundaries.

This brings me to my next point which has motivated me to give even less of a fuck….Recently, I was at a bar with my friends. Some guy got up from his seat, and pulled a Ronnie on some other dude. ONE SHOT KED. Dude fell like a whore’s blood pressure when church is over.  Straight to the ground.  Blood all over some chick who they were apparently fighting over. Dude didn’t even say one word… just walked to the exit cause he knew he was getting the boot. Didn’t say sorry to the girl for giving her a blood shower either.

What I’m trying to say here….is that  if we could all just give less of a fuck and do crazy shit when we are out at bars, every weekend would be the best weekend of our lives.  Social norms exist because they are made to be broken. People who follow the rules and do everything by the book die all crinkly and sour because they have no stories to tell their grandchildren. If they gave a fuck less, they would probably die just crinkly as opposed to sour and crinkly. They might even be more crinkly in their faces because of all the laughing they will have done from not giving a fuck.

Next time you’re at a bar being all lame and shit, remember this article, and do something that would make your time worthwhile, or else…. GO FUCK YOURSELF literally… because in the end, you’re just fucking yourself over.

-          M. Night Thunder

How to Get Rid Of The Clock Blocker: The Less Attractive Friend

Picture a typical weekend night when you walk into the bar, you order a drink and the creeping begins.  You look around and you notice a lot of girl twosomes, we've all seen this situation at the bars/clubs,  the two chicks together hanging out.  It usually consist of one girl being hot, and then we have the less attractive one or the "ugly friend".

Getting rid of this notorious cock blocker is a tough situation because your target will not want to leave her friend or make her friend feel left out.  So naturally you will walk up to your target and try to talk to her; 1 of 2 things will happen, your target will ignore you so she doesn't leave her friend standing alone or the cock blocker will pull your target away and will be a bitch toward you making snub comments, you may get a few words in but trust me with the ugly friend being there you wont get far.  So before you walk over and talk to the hottie, let the disarming begin.

You will have to first talk to the cock blocker and recruit her and make her be on your side by making a connection, once on your side she will let her guard down, not only will she not cock block you, she will help you pick her friend up.  To do this follow this simple conversation starter..

Go up the the cock blocker, pick a random name in your head...lets use Mary(since its a ugly name)

now to make things easy I'll just write in script format.

Guy: (talking to the ugly cockblocker chick) Hi! Mary?
Cockblocker: Ummmmmm, no.
Guy: I'm sorry, you just look so much like Mary, my buddy Frank's ex.
Cockblocker: Really?
Guy: Yeah, it's too bad he's not here right now. He'd totally be all over you. He's one of those guys who always seems to date the same type of people, you know?
Cockblocker: Yeah, sure! (probably giggling at this point)
Guy: Frank's one of those guys. He's a real good-looking guy and always has all these chicks after him, but the girls he dates always have the same look.
Cockblocker: (probably smiling and giggling again)
Guy: So...what kind of guys do you go for?
Cockblocker: Smart, funny, tall, brown hair (who the fuck cares?)
Guy: (looking surprised) That’s weird, sounds a lot like Frank! Except for the smart part! (laughing) I should definitely introduce the two of you. Why don’t you give me your number?
Cockblocker: (gives you her phone number. You win…she’s not a cockblocker anymore.)
Guy: (turns attention to the hot chick)

Cock Block now fully disarmed.  Yes this will work, trust me the ugly friend will not want to piss you off because your "hooking her up" with your friend "Frank" and she doesn't want to risk that chance especially if she doesnt have too many guys picking her up in the first place.  For your target you also reek the benefits of the Frank story, because she too will not want to ruin her friends chances of meeting "Frank", this makes you the "key" to meeting "Frank".  

The ugly friend will help you hook up with your target, this in casing her in your good graces, trying to win bonus points.  She will do this by laughing at your stupid jokes and telling her friend how cute you are, all while fantasizing about the double date you all will share in the future.

And for some odd reason you want to start a long term relationship with this girl (lets not kid ourselves), and her friend starts to question if frank is real, just tell her Frank was really looking forward to meeting her, but he and his ex-girlfriend just got back together and he doesn't want to mess it up this time..Win, win


-Matt

HAPPY HUMP DAY!

Three days Down, two to go!  I'm so looking forward to getting sloppy this weekend, aren't we all?  Look for me I'll be the kid with the Pants Jacket.

-Matt

Matt's Pickup Line of the Week

I have a secret to tell you all.  During the week I just try to think of the most ridiculous pickup lines to spit at girls for the weekend. I Come up with at least 3-4 new lines a week, so lucky for you I'll share at least one a week that you can try at any given time, fair warning though as these pickup lines will get you instantly laid and will make even the most stuck up girls D.T.F.  So without further ado here is this weeks pickup line.


Post up at the bar and let the eye wondering begin, once you find your target go up to her and introduce yourself  loudly (Volume is key) women respect noise.  The introduction should include you telling her that you're a boss and don’t elaborate. Like, at all.  For example Just say “Yo, I'm (insert your name). And Imma BAWS” The key is to pronounce boss with a W.  This will lead her to looked confused and when she replies "what?" just sigh really heavy like she’s stupid or something. Then count to 5 in your head for a quick awkward moment, Look into her eyes and just start rapping about  how Shaniqua don't live here no mo, don't break eye contact! Then break out a little dance,  the stankey leg can work her but I recommend doing one of my favorites; the sexy push up.  Take a Quick break and tell her your street name is either Martin Luther Bling or Harriet Thugman....instant wetness, instant number, instant lay.  Just remember You're the BAAWWWSSSS....Your Welcome

-Matt

BY POPULAR DEMAND: Super Stealth "Hat" Picture of the Week

Alright enough with the emails about Super Stealth and how he can get a girls hat 100% of the time or how when it strikes 1:30 AM at the club or bar hes making out with some random girl, blah blah blah.  You requested him, you will get more of him, ever hear the expression be careful what you wish for?  Lets just say you've been warned ...Introducing now on Mondays..Super Stealth "Hat" Picture of the Week!

Before the Picture let me share a little something with you all...

I went to J Tree this past weekend with a friend from out of town celebrating a special occasion..Super Stealth was also in attendance..at around 1:15 I told my friend when 1:30 comes around to keep his eyes on Stealth, and at about 1:28 Stealth notices a girl from across the room, they lock eyes, smile, and then head straight at each other..as my friend and I stood their watching I started to count out loudly, I only got to 7 seconds until; BAM! A make out session happened right in front of our eyes...I mean 7 seconds? how ridiculous is that? It is humanly impossible to do anything within 10 seconds let only 7, I suppose you can fit a formal introduction in 7 seconds right? START THE CLOCK...



"HI"
"whats up"
"your hot"
Make out session begins...
Impressive...Kid is super stealthy

-Matt

BREAKING NEWS!: BOSTON NIGHTLIFE IS NOW UNDER SAME MANAGMENT!

"What the hell?"..just one of many of the comments we've been getting the past month for slacking on the blog, but I mean come on its summer time and soon it will be fall! Which means one thing less beaching and more clubbing...so hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband too cause we back blogging baby!



-Matt

Power of the Post-Up

Women are attracted to power. Conversely, women love men who dominate them.  Before you pour a bunch of 21^st century “women have equal rights” hatorade on me, I’m not talking about the workplace; I’m talking about the courting process, the wooing process, the chase.

Before Ford built the model T, Gutenberg the printing press, and even before the wheel, back when our ancestors were living in caves, being all Bear Grylls and shit,  how did guys get girls? Guys got girls by demonstrating that they could protect them; the girl neanderthals were attracted to the guy neanderthal with the biggest stick. Women chose dominant men who could fend off dinosaurs (a la Jurassic Park) and prevent other tribes from potato-sacking them. Guess what? Women are still attracted to men who have the biggest stick. Women want men who exude power, just like their ancestors did. However, instead of fighting raptors with our bare hands (ultimate form of chivalry), the closest thing guys have today is the “post-up.”

In the right setting, nothing conveys more power than the “post-up.” A post-up typically occurs after a guy has built some rapport with a girl either through dancing or conversation.  As the two become more comfortable with each other’s presence, the moon’s gravitational pull draws the couple closer and closer to a wall. Then, in one fell-swoop, the guy moves in on the girl. He is so close that she has nowhere to backup, and he pins her against the wall like a fly in a web. He finishes the post-up by putting one arm above each of the girl’s shoulders and resting his palms against the wall for support.  Leaning in, he begins whispering sweet nothings in her ear (telling her how his ancestors used to eat t-rex babies for fun). In this pose, the guy is in complete control, displaying spatial reign, and body language that hints at sexual prowess. The girl’s eyes become dreamy as she looks up at her protector. Their eyes meet, and two bodies become one in a sight that would make Chuck Norris weak in the knees.

-          M. Night Thunder

Vinny's Guide to Getting Laid within an Hour

Vinny saw our blog on Facebook and wrote this post on a member of our street crew's Facebook wall verbatim. Sounds like a fuckin Guido to me but he's kind of funny, and let's be honest, what girl can resist a charming Guido?    - M. Night Thunder ....

"Next time you go out with your bro guys,

...-Rock a Yankee hat, real low. (preferably World Champions, slut broads dont like fuckin losers)

-Gotta rock the Body Heat. ( 4 spritz's kid, left wrist right wrist neck and chest)

-Talk shit about the boyfriend.

-Move in on her friends.

-Pick a borough that you grew up in. any 5, doesnt matter. Brag about it. Tawk like a shithead

-Drink Heineken, cannot stress this enough.

-Get creepy and close.

-Break it down on the floor, get a little filthy

-Lean in real slow, bite her fuckin ear, "lets get out of here"

DONE"

Thirsty Thrursday Showdown: Kids and Their Thugish Ways

This week we got the two biggest gangstas on dis side of the playground!  Who gets your vote this week?  Lets not kid ourselves, both these kids are going to be a future triad/terrorist, So lets just keep it strictly about the dancing..

Let me break it down, after a day of just dancing  non stop (like my iraqi friend here), I also try to cool down by kicking the shit out of someone, kid takes the saying "feeling the beat" literally and I don't blame him, you have to get rid of that adrenaline some how right?  But I have to keep it real with you all; I'm not trying to be bias, but my asian homie Nathaniel is killing it right here, kid...loves...to...daaaance and that shoulder shrug just screams SWAGGER!  So who you got this week?, the asian sensation or the wacky iraqi.







 VS.






-Matt

Guy: “Would you like to dance?” Girl: “Yea sure id love to dance” Guy: “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said ‘you look fat in those pants’.”

I'm out in town mostly every night, and the one thing I see a lot of are guys striking out faster than Micheal Jordan at the plate.  Its not because of their lame pickup lines, or their creepiness, its that "nice guy" attitude.

What is a "nice guy" you may ask?  Its basically giving a girl a compliment or giving a nice gesture to her like "you are beautiful" or  "If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib".  Its the guy you see buying her a drink right after meeting her (women instantly lose respect) or asking about something stupid like her interests. Have you ever heard of the song "nice guys finish last" by Green Day?  Its a scientific fact don't be the nice guy.

So you want to know how to get the girl?  Lets go over what we've learned so far.  If you want to pick up a girl being "nice" your just preparing yourself for failure and its going to get you no where.  Instead girls love the guy that treats them like shit or doesn't give them the time of day, right?  Now let me spit some wisdom to all the fellas out there; instead of using the "hey your cute, wanna dance?" pickup line, you should say "Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?".  Say that to the actual girl you want to get with and she will get instantly hooked.  You will be on this girls mind all night guaranteed.  Upon meeting a girl constantly use the words "don't flatter yourself" after everything she says.  Also try these babies, "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality",  "What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed", and my favorite "I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good".

Treating a girl like crap is the only way to her heart, I have way to many girl friends that talk to guys at bars and when my friends walk away I always ask what was wrong?  They always reply "well he seemed nice buttt", I always act surprised but inside I know they're being a typical chick.  Take it form my man 2-Pac "Bitches ain't shit"  So treat that hottie by the bar like crap and you'll get her number.

-Matt

Definition of Sexy

If you were to look up the word sexy in the recently updated dictionary , you would see three things...

 

 

 

 

Main Entry: sexy

Pronunciation: \ˈsek-sē\

Function: adjective

Inflected Form(s): sex·i·er; sex·i·est

Date:2010

1 :A person (typically a woman) who can dance
2 : see: Ciara Music Video Ride.

3 : see picture below

-Matt

Top 10 Ways to Know she is playing Hard to Get

10. She says you look like her brother (in a completely sexual non-incestual way)


9. She asks you to buy her a drink, and then stops talking to you (buy her a 2nd and 3rd – 3rd one’s the  
    charm!)

8. She tells you she is a lesbian (a girl who likes girls, nice!)

7. The phone number she gives you starts with 555 (she lives in Hollywood!)

6. She calls a guy friend over to act like her boyfriend (shes trying to make you jealous, it only makes you try
    harder)

5. She tells you to f off (she meant to say ‘me’ instead of ‘off’)

4. She spits her drink in your face (her telling you if you want it, you have to work for it)

3. She gives you a palm strike to the groin (tough love)

2. She breaks a beer bottle, points it at you, and tells you not to come any closer or else… (if this doesn’t
    turn you on, nothing will)

1. She tries to run you over with her car in the parking lot (she’s a feisty one!)


      - M. Night Thunder

Member Feature 2: Matt

So you think you can dance? Really? Have you met Matt? This motherfucker is a dancing machine. If you ask me, I think he grew up in the wrong era. He would have been perfect in the 70’s. Grease Lightning. Saturday Night Fever. Dirty Dancing. Vinny Barbarino aint got shit on Matt. Bring on Swayze bitches! Oh wait…never mind.

I’ve been partying with Matt for a minute, and only recently I realized the extent to which he enjoys dancing. He danced with the same girl non-stop ALL NIGHT. 3 hours straight! Dude just loves to dance.

Matt’s dancing style in one word: methodical. Every move is premeditated. He doesn’t even know he’s doing it, its pure instinct.

There’s only one way to determine if Matt had a good night: the amount of perspiration on his shirt. Feel his shirt at the end of the night. Wet shirt – good night, dry shirt – bad night. I recall a time he wore 2 undershirts, and by the end of the night, all 3 were soaked! Child, please.

Matt’s best pick-up line to a group of girls…“Give me your best dancer.” The girls look at each other for a couple seconds, and then all of them turn to the best dancer in the group. Of course she obliges.

At this point, I try to post up somewhere to get a good view of what is about to go down. He teases her for a few minutes with a little grinding action, making her work for it. She looks back to get a glimpse of his face one or two times during this period, as if to say, who is this tall glass of water? Then, out of nowhere, like Apolo Ohno, he slides right in front of her. She’s now grinding on his back side. She cracks a smile because most guys aren’t this creative. Again, he teases her for a minute or two with his elegance.

As she is grinding on him, he bends his torso down while maintaining straight legs (like a stripper). Flaunting his back side in the air, he extends his arms forward like he’s flying. She is perplexed and has no idea what to do. She usually ends up putting her hands on his lower back (it looks like she’s riding a mechanical bull from one angle and rearing him from another). Seen this shit a million times, works like clockwork. Instant phone number.

Matt also has an affinity for karaoke, but I’m out of breath. I’ll finish this post by saying Matt is always up for a dance-off challenge (only with girls though, sorry Frank). If you think you got what it takes, walk it out.

- M. Night Thunder

This is getting me HAWT!

If I rolled with this crew I probably wouldn't have to lift a finger at the club,  I could just be like "yea I'm with those break dancers over there".  Instant Pussy.

PS - I need more black friends.

-Matt

McFaddens Your Killing Me, Sincerely My Liver

Do you ever wake up on a Sunday afternoon (my case a Monday through Sunday afternoon) and go “why did I just drink so much? And spend all that money? And stay up so late?" And ask "what are these stains on my jeans? And insisted that you are famous on the internet?" Thought "why do I have a condom on with a picture of Mimi Bobeck from Drew Carey in hand? And have a good hour or two you simply cannot remember?”..Don't lie, those are definitely the first thoughts that come to mind...Well, just won my third happy hour in two months...this will be my 30th happy hour attending in the past three. I've attended 30 of these things? Casue for a CELEBRATION! My liver probably hates me and since I only have one of these things I should probably quit while I'm ahead.....Pffffff yea right, lets be real that's why people have kids right?..for their organs...so here I come Mcfaddens baby organs and all.

-Matt

Breaking News... Stealth has now become SUPER STEALTH

As I was telling a very charming young lady about our blog towards the end of Saturday night, she got a glimpse of Stealth making out with one of her friends. I asked her if she wanted to read the feature I wrote on Stealth (she did). I later have her on video commenting on the situation, and completely under her own volition, she refers to Stealth as SUPER STEALTH. She said it not me. For all of you (you know who you are) who think I was making all that ish up in the feature, I wasn't. For all we know, someone is going to call him MAGNUM STEALTH next weekend. I'm just getting worried Stealth is going to outgrow Boston Nightlife and take his talents to the moon or Jupiter or something. I said it before, dude's on next level shit only aliens know about. Stay tuned for the video footage later in the day...

- M. Night Thunder

Rev Rock Bar Interview

My man right here tore up Rev Rock Bar last night. Some of the audio is choppy but note the last question. I asked him his best dance move. He goes "I dont got no dance moves.. my best dance move... THE BITCH WITH THE BEST ASS. What a legend.

- M. Night Thunder

Boston Nightlife Wants to Know

- M. Night Thunder

Diffrent Drinks, Diffrent feelings

If your hitting the bars tonight; buy the first chick to catch your eye a beer, chances are your getting laid.

-Matt

Dance off? yes please...ITS FRIDAY!

If you haven't figure it out by now, I'm a pretty avid dance battling entrepreneur. I like to consider myself the Jerry Seinfeld of dancing or the Nelson Mandela of feeling the beat. Its in my blood, and I can honestly say I crush it every time I go out. Tons of hip thrusting and booty shaking is how I roll (similar to whats in the video).  The chicks literally line up to hop on board the OMG train and try to get a piece of the disco stick. Girls try to be funny by calling me out and challenging me, but lets be real, 99% of the time they're not on my level and it takes me the extra effort to not only make myself look good but them as well.  I usually end my dancing with one eloquent move that leaves the ladies sweating, fatigued, breathless, soaked, and wanting seconds.  Oh and the entire club/bar that has their eyes locked on us; they're not thinking how lucky I am to be dancing with some hottie, they're thinking DAM THAT GUY CAN DANCE! So if you want to have a dance off, then yes please! I'll accept all challenges, just prepare to look like a fool with your pants on the ground...Ill be at Jousha Tree tonight, just look for the kid burning up the dance floor!


-Matt

Thirsty Thursday Showdown

I am sweating more than a Taiwanese boy at the Nike sweatshop right now and that can mean only one thing...THIRSTY THURSDAY!  Every Thursday I will post two different videos with similarities as they battle it out to be crowned Boston Nightlife Clubber of The Week...This week we have two naughty grannies duking it out:  who will come out on top? You be the judge; I give props to the kids who brought their daddies momma to spring break.....Including grandma in the vacation is quaint.  However, when grandma packs her new thong bikini and she starts the dance party the vacation just got real.  Too real.




VS.







PS - I need to take a cold shower


-Matt

Member Feature 1 - Mike

Member Feature 1 - Mike

“I wanna be like Mike.” Everyone in our crew has uttered this phrase. Not Michael Jordan. Our Mike. I will refer to him as Stealth from here because his tactics should be illegal; he’s on next level shit only aliens know about. By my count, Stealth once hooked up with a different girl 8 nights in a row. Stealth owns at least 3 of the 5 best stories I’ve ever heard. Described as “smooth” by a source, Stealth has performed pick-ups that leave pick-up artists scratching their heads. As a silent assassin, Stealth watches from the sideline most of the night. However, once the clock strikes 1:30AM, consider him a jungle cat yearning for a tasty snack.

Stealth prepares for the attack with a highly developed ritual. He exhales “Chica!!” to every member of the opposite sex in his vision. The trance begins. Things appear to move slower as he develops a heightened sense of things. The intensity and volume of the chant increases. He continues the ritual by performing the raptor dance; he tucks his elbows in and protrudes his wrists outward. The dance is not complete without a coke in one hand and a beer in the other. Mimicked my many, only Stealth can use this tactic to his advantage. A target appears in Stealth’s vision. She sees him too. He’s going in. She tries to escape, but it is too late. He locks eyes with her and says, “It’s hot in here,” with a smile capable of melting any girl’s heart. Simple, subtle, and effective.

In rare cases where Stealth does not deem las chicas in a bar/club worthy of his affection, he brings his talents to the pavement. Its overtime! Most people wilt under such circumstances, but Stealth has been conserving energy all night. The effect of the raptor dance climaxes; Stealth becomes immortal. Whether asking a complete stranger if she wants to split a cab or if she can give him a ride back to his car at 2:00AM, no female can resist his sensual smile.

As dawn approaches, Stealth becomes Mike again: the everyday regular normal guy who doesn’t remember where he parked his car the night before.

                    - M. Night Thunder

F**k Me Im Famous

 

OOOHHHH SNAP..Did I make the cut for 6one7 Productions promotional video they made for Royale?...The answer is you bet your ass I did (1:46 mark). If you don't notice me, I'm the one in the left corner in blue jumping like Royce Clayton after the 2007 World Series. Don't get those dance moves confused with fist pumping because I hate when people do that shit; instead I call it swagger.  Unfortunately they cut me giving it to some poor souls during the dance competition; they called my dancing too "HOT" for their video.  I was in Beast Mode that night as I took the clubs name ROYALE Literally, go figure.  And to think that I had to fight off the chicks before this video!  I'm probably going to get swamped now that I'm a bona fide celeb.

RC holding the championship trophy longer than anyone else..never playing a single inning for the team

-Matt

We had Sex last night? I Drank too Much

I’m going to start this post off by making another 7th grade reference. Close your eyes for about 5 seconds and remember going to 7th grade dances. Got the picture in your head? Roll up with a group, check out the scene, and feel the place out. Guys hanging out in their groups, girls in theirs. Then you have the one or two from each group making negotiations in regards to who is going to be setup with who to dance for the slow songs. About an hour in, once everyone who wants to be setup is setup, slow dancing begins! Girls put their hands around the guy’s shoulders and guys set their hands around the girl’s hips (the hands drop after a couple songs). Maybe a little lip-locking and number exchanging happened… that’s how it went down at the beginning of the millennium.

Onto high school. Hello alcohol. Teachers and faculty knew 7 out of 10 people showing up to high school dances were completely chocolate schwasted, and as long as you didn’t throw up in the bathroom/gym floor or make a fool of yourself, there was nothing they could do to prove it. It was during these pivotal years that daddy’s little girl turned into daddy’s big problem. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-lcohol. In high school, the tables turned: slow dancing out, grinding in (daps to Pretty Ricky). The role of negotiator was replaced by that cheap vodka your mailman’s cousin’s neighbor hooked you up with for twice the actual cost.

I’m going to skip college dances because they are in essence the same animal as high school dances.

Onto 21+ nightlife. Close your eyes for about 5 seconds and remember the last time you went to a club/bar that you’d never been before. Got the picture in your head? Roll up with a group, check out the scene, and feel the place out. Guys hanging out in their groups, girls in theirs. Sound familiar? But unlike the 7th grade, there is alcohol, and unlike high school, you can get progressively liquored up as the night continues. If I had a 10 spot for every time I’ve heard, “if I had a couple more drinks…” In the end, the couple more drinks happen and then guys act like they own the place, and girls begin shaking what their mammas gave them. By 12:30, everyone has purchased enough alcohol from the bar to receive a complementary pair of beer goggles. It’s on! My question is: would clubs/bars be like 7th grade dances if only punch was served?
Leave comments people.

                  - M. Night Thunder (Midnight Thunder, formerly known as B)

Killing It!

                         

This is what I'm talking about!  This man has the dancing fever and the only cure is more dancing! Did you notice the absence of music for the first few seconds? My man here was dancing well before and well after I took this video; straight killing bitches in dance battles. You have to admit this dude has some moves, guys probably been up since 5 in the morning, hit the gym, worked hard all day, and still musters the energy to dance solo on a Thursday night.  This takes some balls when you just show up with a one man party.  I feel as if girls instantly get soaked when they see shit like this.  Music or no music I mean come on now guy is killing it.                                                   


                                                                                                                                         -Matt

Big Hoop Earrings: How Big is too Big?

I don’t know about you, but when I see a girl with a pair of outlandish big hoop earrings, my first thought is: damn, this girl is looking for some D in her P. Let’s not confuse the average big hoop wearer with the chonga. Same genus, different species. For those of who don’t know, a chonga is a Latina who thinks she’s all that. Big hoop earrings are a staple in the daily wardrobe of a chonga. The average chonga has an accent that is disgusting even though she was born in America, chews 6-13 pieces of gum at a time, and generally is pretty fucking annoying. So you must be thinking… are all chongas whores? In my opinion they are, but that is an argument for a different day. I digress.

At this point, you either agree or disagree with my insinuation that big hoop wearers are avid riders of the disco stick. For those who completely disagree, I will relive the moment that led me to believe that big hoop wearers are on a mission:

A friend of a friend wants me to watch her purse while she goes to the bathroom. As she gets back, I tell her that the loop on her purse looks like a ginormous big hoop earring. She turns to me in the straightest face and says, “The bigger the hoop the bigger the whore: when I wear mine, I wear them below the shoulders.” At this point I crack a smile because I think she is joking. All I get in return is a blank stare. If that doesn’t turn you haters into believers, stop reading.

Glad we’re on the same page. My question is: how big is too big? I think we can all agree that girls with small hoops can be left out of this discussion. This includes hoops that are smaller than 2 inches in diameter. The next group may be somewhat controversial. I call this group the Training Wheel Group. It includes hoops that are 2.5-3 inches in diameter. They’re not big, but they’re not small either. As one girl (different girl from before) so eloquently put it, “Maybe I’m a whore in training.” This makes me think that girls with medium hoops can swing either way. They can go from prude to promiscuous the way Brett Favre… you know what I mean. I’m not sure about this though, it’s only a theory at this point. Feedback would be appreciated.

Finally, onto the big hoop wearers. In my opinion, 4 inch hoops are full-fledged whore status. Most of the time when I see a girl with 4 inch hoops, the rest of the outfit matches the look. Shirts with artificial tears in them (so Abercrombie & Fitch in 7th grade). Tight spandex looking pants. Stripper heels. I almost forgot the hair – in most cases it is pulled back, sometimes gelled.

Some of this stuff may be controversial with the female audience (if we have one), but I call it like I see it. If you want to voice your opinion, leave a comment.

- B (still working on a nickname)

What's Good?

Yooooo first official post from your man here!  I'm not going to really get in-depth about myself as you'll probably figure me out over the time of this blog so lets skip the BS and get straight to the point.  Boston Nightlife baby!  Get with it, I wanna make love to it, can I get an Amen?!  I can honestly say I get cold sweats when thirsty Thursday comes around; maybe that's the alcoholic in me, but I'm pretty sure its the excitement I get when the weekend is near. To get back to the point, Boston's full of Bars and Clubs;  Do the math,  stuff  be poppin every night and man I'm going to blog the shit out of it and share it with all of you!  So come hop in the DeLorean, cause we bout to punch dis to 88.

PS - Yes that's me pictured above, yes that's a typical Saturday night and yes I'm a sloppy mess..See your already getting to know me.

-Matt

Greetings from Boston Nightlife's Founders

Welcome friends. I want to start off by giving you’s guys a background of why I started this blog. My friends and I enjoy partying/having fun in Boston.  A lot of this fun-having entails watching other people making fools of themselves. So, as I was watching a Windows 7 commercial (which was my idea), a different idea popped into my head. Why not share our experiences with those who don’t have as much fun as we do? Brilliant. Stay tuned for a feature on each member of our crew. But for now, to give BN Nation an idea of what kind of nightlife we are talking about, here’s how we roll…

Places we hang out at the most:

- Rev Rock Bar
- Joshua Tree
- Hurricane O’Reilly’s
- Skanktuary
- McFadden’s (I have still yet to win a happy hour)

Places I will never go again:

- Bell in Hand
- Hennessy’s
- Liquor Store (don’t get me started)
- Ned Devine’s
- The Place (shithole)

Places we go once in red moon:

- Whitehorse tavern
- The Draught (is that the right spelling?)
- Tia’s
- T’s
- Gypsy Bar
- Tequila Rain (where it’s spring break 52 weeks a year!)
- Landsdowne Pub (Bill’s)
- Lir
- McGreevy’s
- Pour House
- Rattlesnake
- Greatest Bar
- Splash (my friend brings a potato sack every time we go here)
- Sissy K’s (nice)
- West End Johnnie’s
- The Estate (not on Thursday nights)
- Umbria Prime (almost on the list of places I will never go again)
- Market

Places we want to try:

- Royale
- Underbar
- Atlantic Beer Garden
- Baseball Tavern
- Saint
- Mantra (just kidding)

         - B (I’m still trying to think of a cool nickname)