Member Feature 2: Matt

So you think you can dance? Really? Have you met Matt? This motherfucker is a dancing machine. If you ask me, I think he grew up in the wrong era. He would have been perfect in the 70’s. Grease Lightning. Saturday Night Fever. Dirty Dancing. Vinny Barbarino aint got shit on Matt. Bring on Swayze bitches! Oh wait…never mind.

I’ve been partying with Matt for a minute, and only recently I realized the extent to which he enjoys dancing. He danced with the same girl non-stop ALL NIGHT. 3 hours straight! Dude just loves to dance.

Matt’s dancing style in one word: methodical. Every move is premeditated. He doesn’t even know he’s doing it, its pure instinct.

There’s only one way to determine if Matt had a good night: the amount of perspiration on his shirt. Feel his shirt at the end of the night. Wet shirt – good night, dry shirt – bad night. I recall a time he wore 2 undershirts, and by the end of the night, all 3 were soaked! Child, please.

Matt’s best pick-up line to a group of girls…“Give me your best dancer.” The girls look at each other for a couple seconds, and then all of them turn to the best dancer in the group. Of course she obliges.

At this point, I try to post up somewhere to get a good view of what is about to go down. He teases her for a few minutes with a little grinding action, making her work for it. She looks back to get a glimpse of his face one or two times during this period, as if to say, who is this tall glass of water? Then, out of nowhere, like Apolo Ohno, he slides right in front of her. She’s now grinding on his back side. She cracks a smile because most guys aren’t this creative. Again, he teases her for a minute or two with his elegance.

As she is grinding on him, he bends his torso down while maintaining straight legs (like a stripper). Flaunting his back side in the air, he extends his arms forward like he’s flying. She is perplexed and has no idea what to do. She usually ends up putting her hands on his lower back (it looks like she’s riding a mechanical bull from one angle and rearing him from another). Seen this shit a million times, works like clockwork. Instant phone number.

Matt also has an affinity for karaoke, but I’m out of breath. I’ll finish this post by saying Matt is always up for a dance-off challenge (only with girls though, sorry Frank). If you think you got what it takes, walk it out.

- M. Night Thunder